Dating a Love Rat

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In my decades of working as an agony aunt most of my clients have been women who have been upset because of the broken promises of a man. Very often it has seemed to them that their whole World has come to an end because they trusted him so much and he took that trust, chewed it up and spit it out and showed them no respect. It also dents their confidence because they start to think they have done something wrong. That it is somehow their own fault. That they should have realised it sooner or they had "mug" written on their forehead.

Of course, there are are men who are decent, honest, reliable, loyal and faithful out there so how does a woman know when she has met one of them and when she has met one of the selfish ones? To start with they may both appear the same. The liar says all of the right things and puts your mind at rest. You can only work out if he is a liar weeks, months or maybe years later.Even if you are a naturally wary person this does not guarantee that you will know the person is misleading you because he may appear to be totally genuine - he talks the talk and he seems to walk the walk. Unless you can see into the future there is no way of knowing. He will also sulk or appear hurt or appear to lose interest if you make it clear that you are unsure of him, saying that this is hurtful to him.

Yet over that thirty years of doing this work I have come across many cases of love rats. Sorry to say that they are usually males. Men who have deliberately set out to use women. Some of them have been spoken for and pretended to be single and then when their mistress finds out she is not a fiance or girlfriend and she has been duped into being a mistress she is devastated. Others have been bigamists, others have been "marking" the women purely for financial reasons so that when she realises what is going on she has financial problems, perhaps huge debts, as well as a broken heart.

Bet let us look at this for a moment. I once had a client who met a man. She hardly knew him. She told me that she had trusted him and he had lied to her and let her down.
He had suggested to her that she invest 10,000 in a business idea he had and he promised her that if she did he would quickly double that and give it back to her. Nobody with any sense would have believed it and if she had not been greedy she would not have believed it either. It also turned out that he was much younger than her and she was scared that if she said no he would find another woman.
So she had her ulterior motives too.

There is a huge difference between a guy who is an opportunist and cheats when he gets a chance to have a one night stand behind his wife or girlfriend's back and the cold blooded guy who sets out to find a victim
for something much worse. Any one who would take all of their money whilst lying to them is not only cold blooded but has no morals, does not care about others and is probably a sociapath. The snag with these people is they appear and talk nicely. They are charming, friendly, they pretend care, they can seem to be romantic and attend to your every need. You only find out what they are really like if you find out the true facts of what has been going on behind your back.

But if you were online and you received an email from a stranger and they said they want to fall madly in love with you then you would be suspicious, so be suspicious in every day life too. If you received an email telling you they will make you rich you would be more suspicious. Somehow when someone sits there smiling and looking gorgeous your natural defences go down when they should not.

So, although it is hard to generalise in an article, because in some ways it is very unfair to assume everyone is guilty, I would say do not give your heart to anyone until you are totally sure. Have them checked out if you are thinking of becoming serious about them. If the person lives just around the corner that should be easy. You can insist on talking to their family and friends and knowing where they work. You can check their address and phone number and go to their home. If they live hundreds of miles away it is much easier for them to have a double life and hide things. But why get involved with someone who lives hundreds of miles away? Personally I would not bother.
They might say they are a travelling salesman or lorry driver when the truth is they are married with children.
They can lie about their job and build it up into something far better than it is or be unemployed.

How do you know whether or not they have a prison record or have been in trouble with the police? If you are thinking of getting serious about a man who is talking about you sharing a bank account or borrowing money from you then it is essential that you check them out. Google them. You cannot make too many checks. You owe it to yourself. Do not let a charming person worm their way under your skin just because they have a way with words or are sexy and at tractive. Get to know them thoroughly and slowly before moving onto love.

With a lot of love rats when you analyse the facts other people could have spotted it. I have known many cases of an older and not very attractive woman who has a fair bit in the bank and meets a much younger and much better looking man. He tells her that he is madly in love with her and wants to marry her and she straight away believes him. Based on this she allows him access to her money, property, home, heart and body.

Is this man genuinely interested in you? Would he be so keen if he was rich and you were poor? Sometimes if we are unrealistic and greedy things go wrong. If you meet a man who is much younger than you, much better looking than you and who claims to be very rich and on the basis of that you allow him access to your finances then your motives were not good either. You cannot ask too many questions. Of course, if you do not have no money then you do not have much to worry about. Mind you you can always do things the other way around and pretend you are wealthy to get someone interested and enjoy it until they realise this and walk away. They would not be much of a loss and maybe it would serve them right.

An excellent site to go to to learn more about love rats, relationships, cheats etc is at http://www.askagonyaunt.com